Wednesday, January 30, 2008

This Journey...

I used to be an avid journal writer. I would write prayers, thoughts, songs... Needless to say I have about 8 journals stashed away from about 12 years ago to the present. Today I began to journal and realized that as I was writing my thoughts down, I was writing them in a "blog form." Basically, I was writing to all of you.

Looking back at some of my journals today from the past few years I realized a few things about myself: 1. I often feel or have felt like a failure 2. My prayers/thoughts in past entries revolved around God making me a better person 3. I wanted/expected God to change me -period.
Okay, so those three things aren't terrible and they are probably pretty common things to go through. The problem lies in this: I have often felt like I failed and when I did I wanted God to take the responsiblity for it; I wanted God to fix me, but how could he when I felt like he failed me too.
So where does that leave me today? A failure? No.
Life is made up of a series of stages. In the past 5 years I have been through the: Newleywed stage, New career stage, Not sure if I like this career stage, Not so Newlywed Stage, Moving/Transition stage, New parent stage and soon to be 2nd child stage. Those are just some of the stages life can bring. Each of those stages is like a life of it's own, together each stage creates your life.
I prefer to think of relationships in a different way. Relationships can have changes, just like life. But instead of one phase ending and other beginning before we realize it, Relationships are a journey- not to be completed. Just like life, relationships are filled with experiences, failures, successes and at the end of our journey we are changed.
Over the past 12 years, has my relationship with God grown? Has my Journey been changing me? Absolutely. Have I felt like a failure over and over in the past 12 years? Dfeinitely. Was I always on the right track? Maybe, Maybe not. Do I believe God has failed me? Not in a million journeys.
As one of my favorite artists, Sara Groves, writes- "This Journey is my Own." (6th song)
And so this journey continues. Life will bring me in and out of different phases, but this journey with God will thankfully never end.

For my first blog post I would first like to thank all of those who inspired me to be the blogger that I am today: First my husband from blogs about a sandwich being our daughter to your latest inspired thoughts, thank you for having a blog I can count on to never know what will pop up next. Then, to all my friends who have recently started posting blogs (yes- Ashley and Kyle) and my dear friend who posted blogs from her second home in Ethiopia (read daily by me and many of you!) thank you for your inspiration and motivation. Oh and to my small group- who has taught me that this journey works so much better if talked about and openly shared.


pastorwick said...

Love you...and looking forward to having you join this realm as well. :)

Ashley said...

I'm so glad you got a blog! I look forward to reading more. Your blog is even more "high tech" then mine. I need to get someone who knows a little about computers. Do you think anyone is small group does ? ha ha

Ethiopianmomma said...

The other day Samuel was in a race. He was supposed to run really fast and beat all the other kids. Instead he just took his sweet time and walked towards his Daddy while being left in the dust by every other kid. When I read your blog today I was thinking about this recent memory of Samuel's race. I was thankful that in this journey we are not running towards God, but along side him. I read one time that people make all sorts of promises and committments to God...yes I will do this...I promise to read my Bible...If this then this....etc....when all God really is asking if for us to take his hand and dance with him.
I loved your blog today. I love you. I am so happy that 'Stay at Home Momma' is my friend through all your ups and downs and all of mine.

JennT said...

Yeah, you have a blog! But now I'm feeling the pressure to post and maybe even change what I post about it. Which might be a good thing! I'm glad that we're in the "trenches" of being a stay-at-home mom together!

Kyle said...

I am so glad you have a blog now... I look foreward to seeing what else you have to write. Hopefully we will get to hear some fun addie and sophie stories...